Deviant Login Shop  Join deviantART for FREE Take the Tour
×

:icondecadent-dreamer: More from Decadent-Dreamer


More from deviantART



Details

Submitted on
March 23, 2010
File Size
1.2 KB
Link
Thumb

Stats

Views
364
Favourites
14 (who?)
Comments
19
Downloads
5
×
The structure of your jaw was realigned once you learned how to smile.
The Lord blessed you like the salt of the Earth - and you unfurled with time.
You, just like a desert rose that's weathered winter although suffused with brine,
can now smile like you mean it; your heart ensconced in prism lights.

You whet my curiosity with words that transcend space and time.
All your queries have no answers, but more questions - and that blows my mind.
I am accustomed to  your smile, but even more, the way you fill this space with light.
Your beauty is not perfection--but the knowledge that we're all sublime.

Soft airs escape you, although you still wear the Summer's scent
and the Spring clings to you like supple, Morning's dew.
I pray I won't regret you; while I stray the paths you strew
the shadows your face felled and overthrew.

Your round patrician's nose and too-far-set eyes are a model of asymmetrical allure.
Like your tongue that moves so fast, you've affixed my brows with blank surprise;
your words licking like a flame treads gaseous paths.
In the running theme of alternative titles, this one is also known as "I Too..."

This was a bit of a personal challenge for me, written for a co-worker at work. She asked me to simply write her something she'd like to hear from a man who loved her... From there, I simply let my imagination run wild. Hopefully, it'll be to her standards.
Add a Comment:
 
:iconlena-the-angel:
Lena-The-Angel Featured By Owner Apr 16, 2010
Wow. This is full of some really raw imagery and some really brilliant descriptions. I love this piece!
I have a few things that bothered me, but as with all i suggest this is your work and you are free to ignore my comments xD
Why are you capitalising things like "Morning's" The seasons i can slightly understand more. But i'm not sure there is a need for the capitalisation of "morning" unless you've got a reason in mind?
I'm probably gonna sound so stupid now, but what does "strew" mean? XD
And whats a "patrician"? I'm not sure that's such a good description of the nose, since i doubt i'm the only one who doesn't really understand and, therefore, can't see it. In my head she's missing a nose xD
Those are my suggestions anyway. Hope there was something helpful there! :)
Reply
:icondecadent-dreamer:
Decadent-Dreamer Featured By Owner Apr 26, 2010  Student Writer
Thank you! I'm glad you read it and liked it so much. As always, I appreciate your comments...
As for my seemingly random capitalization, I'll let you in on a not-so-secret, celestial references are sort of my thing. I've often compared and even ascribed such labels and attributes of the celestial entities to the people (specifically, women) in my life. Most of my poems are riddled with them (vague references and insides) as a way to cite who I'm speaking of even as I try to mystify the reader.
As for the word "strew" it means to scatter or heap up. While, "patrician" is a word for regal or royal-looking (i.e. upper class) (Don't sweat not knowing; it's the only way to learn. Personally, I :iconbeautifulheartplz:to learn new words and phrases)
Thanks again for reading! I hope this helped you understand my work a little more...
Reply
:iconlena-the-angel:
Lena-The-Angel Featured By Owner Apr 26, 2010
Your welcome. I really like your stuff, and it's always a pleasure to read :)

Ooh, that's interesting. That's really clever actually. And it makes sense now. ^.^
Oh okay xD Thanks for telling me! I learnt something new today, yay ^.^

It did, thanks! =)
Thanks for the watch btw.
Reply
:icondecadent-dreamer:
Decadent-Dreamer Featured By Owner Apr 26, 2010  Student Writer
:icongrin--plz: My Pleasure!
Reply
:iconlena-the-angel:
Lena-The-Angel Featured By Owner Apr 27, 2010
Hehe =)
Reply
:icontuesday-night:
tuesday-night Featured By Owner Mar 31, 2010  Hobbyist Photographer
wonderfully eloquent.
Reply
:icondecadent-dreamer:
Decadent-Dreamer Featured By Owner Mar 31, 2010  Student Writer
Thanks!
Reply
:icondancingtildawn:
DancingTilDawn Featured By Owner Mar 30, 2010  Hobbyist Writer
I loved this poems it's heavy and beautiful i especially liked the line "The structure of your jaw was realigned once you learned how to smile.
Reply
:icondecadent-dreamer:
Decadent-Dreamer Featured By Owner Mar 31, 2010  Student Writer
:iconbeautifulheartplz: Thank you!
Reply
:iconkarlynoelleabreu:
KarlyNoelleAbreu Featured By Owner Mar 29, 2010  Hobbyist Writer
You have some good word choices, but I too think the last stanza is a strange place to end it, and sometimes I think more minimal descriptors would be more effective.
Reply
Add a Comment: